Life........lots about it that I can't figure out. I am not sure I want to. I have come to accept it as it is. But I sure could do without the shackles of loneliness that sometimes envelop me. I come back to an empty house and I don't feel like turning the lights on. Darkness seems like a protective cover. There are times when I would do anything to dispel that gloom. How many books can you read, how many songs can you listen to? There's the guitar lying in the corner, but that too does not sounds musical at all times, its discordant notes screaming for company. I watch FRIENDS for dinner-time company - I make believe that those six guys are here and I am just watching their antics. Stupid, you may say, but it's funny what a lonely man would do to try and convince himself that he is not alone, not forgotten, not unwanted. I have read the same books over and over again at times, just to have something to do. The ending never changes. The good guy still triumphs, although at times he loses some beloved people on the road to victory. The bad guys die or go to prison. It's the same with the hundreds of movies I watched, and when it all ends, it's just a matter of time before loneliness sneaks up on me. Well as they say, you can break the mirror into a thousand pieces, but they will only reflect your face. I know this is something I have to deal with for quite some time now - not sure how long. I know there are many people out there who feel the same way. On the surface, you appear this cool guy who is in control. But scratch just a little beneath the surface and there is a sad, needy human being, desperately trying to fit in the scheme of things, begging to find acceptance. This is not an exercise in self pity, I am not wallowing in my loneliness. There are times, indeed numerous, when I find my solitude fulfilling and treasure it dearly. I am just putting my thoughts to words, hoping that on a bad day I can read these lines again and find peace within myself, or atleast gain solace in the fact that this too will pass. To be sure, this phase has taught me a lot, and I wouldn't trade this experience for anything on this earth. Well, a little easy on the loneliness perhaps.....And now, I shall take your leave. It's time to have dinner with my FRIENDS. Hello Chandler..........Good to see you again!!
1 comment:
Loneliness might just be a little monster we stack in the cupboards of our mind..yet the only gud thing it has done for ages down the line is the emergence of good pieces of literature be it in any form..just like the one you have penned...it surely reflects all that is so true for a lot many like u or me...yet we only accept the fact at our own will, after giving up the tussle to put it back...to accept loneliness is a DEEP-ART form... true!
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